I had trouble logging onto my site today. It seems as though “Saturday Night’s Alright (for Fightin’).” Add “Your Blog” to the end of that song title and Elton would be singing quite an aggressive tune. Apparently, some random computer page informed me that “my Blog server” was undergoing Routine Maintenance tonight. I did not even realize that I have my very own Blog Server. Just what does that entail exactly? Is there a little Blog-mop swishing about through my pages, cleaning up errant dirty words and thoughts? (in that case, a good 50% of my Blog would be decimated…Kabaaam!). So, I sat there like an idiot repeatedly typing my username and password (about 10 times) to be denied access to my own blog as the words “Already Hip?” and “Get a Blog Here” glare at me. “I’m already hip, I need to vent like a steam engine…let me in for crap sakes…!”
Alright, enough of that garbage. I can’t even remember what I was going to blog about tonight. Oh yeah! As I sat there like a stunted driver with road rage in rush hour traffic (behind the helm of a streamlined Toshiba), the title “Get a Hot T-shirt” (Blog News) caught my attention. Then I thought about all the crap that I have done in my life. You know…”Been There, Have the T-shirt” (Wow! That is such a 90’s saying already….eeek!). So, then I gots to thinking (oh yes…good use of the English language again PM) about all of the hideous T-shirts that I would have, if I had collected them during my life…So taking inventory…here’s goes….well….here goes….ah heck….Been There Done That…(imagine the cool, retro logo possibilities people….work with me here…..)….
1. Purple T-shirt with the title – “I love Jesus” = apparently, I saw Jesus when I was 4 years old. Jesus had wavy hair and wore a robe. He appeared friendly, was cool, hip (and he probably had a Blog!).
2. Red T-shirt with the title – “I Crapped My Pants at 4000 ft” = well, I didn’t “literally” crap my pants, but I spouted off a few nasty words before my pilot chute flipped out of my sky-diving pack. Hence, I might as well have crapped myself. By the way, the parachuting bit after the free fall part of skydiving ROCKS! You just have to be stupid enough to risk your life to get to that point (ahem…).
3. Blue T-shirt with the title – “I Survived Grandpa’s Boat Ride” = I was 7 years old and a passenger in my grandfather’s speedy, light blue, fibreglass boat (Yeah. I know…If “Pimp Daddy” fished for a living, this boat would be his “ride”). After showing off the boat’s agility and speed, my grandfather thought it would be a great idea to turn suddenly against his own wake. For non-boaters…let’s just say that this is a stupid idea. After returning myself from a nearly horizontal position (ie. boat nearly flipped over!), I screamed at him (seaweed still in my teeth). I screamed LOUDLY! This seven year old girl was ANGRY! (Primal Scream Therapy, Anyone?). I can laugh about it now…but grandpa was in the “bad-books” for days.
Ok. Enough embarassing bits for now (I will complete the ugly T-shirt “Rainbow” in a few days). Damn! It hurts to travel down memory lane – hurts because my abs ache from laughing. Lol!