Splendid (indeed)

Alright folks.  I slept on it and came up with another addition to the Splendid story.  Thanks to Cowgalutah for sending this back to me! 

The curtains were drawn against the chill of an early winters evening. The only sound to be heard was a sigh as she poured over one of her interminable lists, this being for the coming weekends dinner party.
She was concerned how she would keep them apart after the recent unpleasantness.
It was unthinkable she not invite them both, but in doing the right thing by them, had created a problem for herself…..
Drawing a soothing draught of red wine from her glass, she looked up from her list and stared across the room. A distant memory, like the transient flash of ‘his’ handsome smile, spurned her inner turmoil. She had developed feelings for Steven during her initial tenure at the University. Their first encounter seemed almost cliche. A fateful walk across an autumn campus, a stack of books falling upon golden autumn leaves, polite words spoken, lucid eyes meeting hungrily. Butterflies.
What had begun as an innocent friendship between colleagues (for Amy would later be introduced to Steven as a contemporary) later spurned into a brief, but torrid, romantic affair. When the couple resuscitated themselves from their grey moral vortex, they realised that they would make better friends than bed-fellows and had decided to remain in each other’s lives. Now, Amy had the task of playing chancellor and counsellor to her friend, as he struggled for a sense of equilibrium in his failing marriage. Once again, she sensed the butterflies…
Amy sealed both invitations, one for Steven and one for Margo, his estranged wife, and adhered a lovely tiffany art stamp to each. “I hope to God, they aren’t still arguing over custody of the dog or the chimp – helluva a dinner topic that will make.” She put the invitations aside for the post office run she would do in the morning and pondered the menu for the party. “Now what dish would both please Steven and compliment his lovely golden curls by candlelight – of course, curry!”…Amy sat on the couch contemplating the difficult intricacies of the seating arrangement when the phone rang.
“Ms. Neidelson, thank God you’re home. This is Dr. Shotzendach. I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.”
“No, doctor. I’m just sitting . . . Is everything okay?”
“Well, I do believe we’ve found the source of your equilibrium problem and I’m glad you’re sitting down. You’re two months pregnant. And here’s the best part: You’re having twins! Congratulations! Ms. Neidelson?”
“Uh . . . I don’t understand doctor . . . I mean, I understand but . . . how do you . . .”
“Your lab results and the CAT scan images told us all we needed to know. Ms. Neidelson? Ms. Neidelson, are you still there?!”
Amy began to laugh hysterically. A bit too hysterically . . .

The phone slipped from her spasming hand and crashed against the glass of wine. Her laughter morphed to sobs as she sat mesmerized by the bits of broken glass and the spread of the crimson stain against the polished hard wood floor. Bitterly she asked herself, how could she have come to this pass. She had been so careful all her life and yet one afternoon of unbridled passion had sent her whole world reeling.
For as long as she could remember, Amy had vowed not to conceive. She had worked her entire life to not only conceal but to expunge the story of her childhood. She had spent her early years raised in a traveling circus but not the romanticized life. Her father was not the Lion Tamer and her mother was not the Beautiful Lady on the Flying Trapeze. No that was only in her dreams. Her father was Wee Willy Winky, The Smallest Man in Northern America, and her mother was Woolly Wanda, The Bearded Woman. Tears ran down Amys’ face as she wondered if this life would be exposed if she was to give birth to two small bearded goat girls.
She berated herself but she knew that it could have been no different. She had not the power or the will to avoid succumbing to the charms of the Parcel Delivery Man. She had been in a high state of anticipation over the delivery of her lavender shower curtains when Dan rang her doorbell. One look at his glittering smile, the first glance at the sunlight shimmering off his baseball cap, and her heart and her loins melted.
But what now? How could she put on a brave face for the dinner party this weekend with her entire life in turmoil…

After wiping away warm tears, Amy smoothed out invisible wrinkles from her dress and stood to look out the window. Her sniffles and tears subsided as mascara had run down her cheeks, staining her fair skin. As she watched from the foyer’s window, she noticed a few children playing in the snowdrifts across the street. This saddened the woman as she knew that she would never have normal looking children that didn’t need a daily shave at the age of four, but at least they’d stay warm during the chilly winter season.
Amy’s thoughts went to the Parcel Delivery Man and his wooly, sweater-like back hair. What a lovely sight, she remembers. It reminded her of her dear, late Mother. A heavy sigh escaped her as she shook her head, cursing herself at the thought of the dinner party, and the details that still needed to be finalized. “Woman, you must pull yourself together, if only for the weekend!”
She pondered the guest list and thought of him, Steven…

As she went to the closest for the broom and dustpan she remembered the first night she spent in Steven’s arms…dinner and dancing till dawn at the officer’s club. He had looked so stunning in his military regalia. At their initial meeting as colleagues he had invited her to attend his official retirement from the Marine Corps to enjoy his teaching position full time. The butterflies increased but the evening had followed with the most intense love making that Amy had ever enjoyed and had since to be repeated. Even the afternoon spent with Dan was no match. If only she would have been as careful with her birth-control methods then.
She swept up the shattered wine glass and reflected on the fact that she had been drinking while her unborn children inhabit her womb. What type of life was she bringing them in to? Were her bearded babies lives to be hampered with an addiction to alcohol like hers had been? The circus life had been hard…sometimes the only thing her father would bring home from the store was alcohol to drown away the lonely life the family lead…

[Cowgalutah ended here and this is my continuation of the story….My apologies for the length of my bit – but I really had to “run with the story” once I got on this train of thought!]

With her dinner list complete, and the turmoil of the evening settling in her mind, Amy retired to bed for the evening.  Her dreams were fitful and she tossed and turned violently in her sleep.  She awoke the next morning with a vivid recollection of those troubling nocturnal thoughts.  “Bearded children, military uniforms and broken glass” she murmured to herself as the first rays of dawn struck her face.  “I need a strong cup of coffee,” she grumbled to herself as she rose out of bed and headed for the kitchen. 

As Amy stood waiting for the coffee to percolate, an agitated knocking sound rattled her awake.  Thinking it was a dream, Amy ignored the sound and began pouring herself a strong elixir.  “Bang, Bang, Bang!” this time the noise was penetrating, and very real.  Amy nearly jumped out of her skin. 

“Who would be calling at this hour?” she grimaced to herself angrily, stomping as she made her way to the front entrance.  “I’m coming…” she yelled at the closed door, “please give me a second.”  As Amy opened the door, she was surprised to find herself face to face with a furry humanoid face. 

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk!” Amy shrieked and slammed the door suddenly. 

“What in the world?” she exclaimed to herself as she pressed her back against the door.  Her thoughts were brought back to last night’s dreams; the beards, the bearded baby faces.  Her heart was pounding furiously.  Again, another set of three knocks, and the sound of a human voice.  Upon recognising the voice, Amy opened the door cautiously.  This time, she was greeted by Steven. 

“Uhm, hello Steven!” blustered Amy as she opened the door, “I’m sorry for my bizarre reaction, but I thought I actually saw a furry child on the front step when I first opened the door, and he/she startled the heck out of me!” 

“Actually Amy, I know that it is rather early and the party doesn’t start until 6 pm, but I needed to ask you a favour,” chided Steven.  His eyes were sparkling and his wry smile told Amy that he was either having nostalgic thoughts, or he was truly up to something devious.

“Sure Steven, what is it?” Amy queried, noticing the leash in his left hand, then added sardonically, “Don’t tell me you have a freaky bearded baby attached to that leash.”

Steven looked down and from behind his legs the leash slackened as a tiny chimpanzee padded her way to the threshold of her door.  The chimpanzee looked up at Amy with deep, dark eyes.  She had the cutest face.  A bearded baby face.  “It seems as though Margo and I are having a custody battle over Lola” lamented Steven, “and Margo is now threatening for sole custody of our dear little chimpanzee girl, so I was wondering if you would be able to help us out?” 

With that question, Amy just stood there, scratching her head, as the chimpanzee reached across her furry backside in search of a “smelly preparation”, should her new “stepmom” fail to receive her with open and loving arms….


[tee hee hee….poop throwing chimps always make for great antagonists, yes???!!!  Now…who is the lucky tagee going to be???  Ok.  In fairness, I will pull one of the remaining names from a scrap of paper…And, the winner is….Karen!!!!!!].

Happy writing everyone!


4 responses to “Splendid (indeed)

  1. lola????
    i’m dying here! i really am! it just keeps getting better and better and better! well done!

    we have a late inclusion in the story….fuzz has put his hand up….i’ll do a quick post at the nook, and let karen know and she can mention it with her contribution….and i’ll let everyone know you’ve agreed to be last….thanks for that BTW
    for now i’m about to cut and paste into “our” page at the nook

    Thanks mum! Lola just seemed fitting…I guess I’m a bit of a “Kinks” fan!

  2. “poop throwing chimps”


    Tee hee hee…I thought you’d like that you crazy-writer-chickie-you. Your addition to the story was marvellous…and I had to run with it. Good work once again Cowgalutah!!!

  3. That kept me going all the way through. Can I ask a daft question – what’s a Tiffany art stamp?

    And just gently (whispers) change “poured” to “pored” in the opening paragraph!

    Do keep in touch …..

    Hi David…This story has been a work of love for a bunch of us Bloggers…with multiple contributions from many friends [about 10 of us have been tossing this story back and forth…adding various elements to it as we go along. It has been a bit of a literary game – inspired by your limerick fun!

    To tell you the truth, I don’t exactly know what a Tiffany art stamp is either!!!! [we would have to ask Writer Chick for the answer to that question – since she wrote that bit] and we could use an editor (Ahem! Lol! **cough, hack** “David”, Oh, excuse me!) for this piece – even though the principle intent of the piece was for fun (I can’t tell you how impressed I am by all of the contributors to “Splendid” – a few of the writers – and I will call them that…really shone with their talents as they went out on a limb for the benefit of the story and the amusement of the group).

    I think “Splendid” has been a hit. Perhaps you should think of signing on with us, in the case that we try this little literary experiment once again!? Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Hey Muse,
    I love that you brought back the chimp to the story. Yay. A tiffany art stamp is just that – a stamp with tiffany art on it – like tiffany lamps. Hmmm, they are currently popular with the post office.

    Thanks WC! I loved the Chimp bit…couldn’t resist! I love how OB and Reg flew with it too…! A chimp with a British accent…too funny! Oh! Thanks for the heads-up on the TAS’s too…sound lovely.

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